I am sorry to say that when it comes to raising humans, there is no official manual. The good news is that some parenting books come pretty darn close. But it can be tough to know which books are the best parenting books on the market, and which books aren’t worth the read. Luckily, I have read a lot of positive parenting books and have sorted through the heap for you. Read on to discover my top recommendations for the best parenting books on positive parenting.
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What is Positive Parenting?
Positive parenting is a parenting approach that focuses on connection, development, and mutual respect. Parents see themselves as coaches rather than all-powerful bosses. They foster an environment of safety, security and love that promotes a secure attachment. Positive parenting incorporates scientific research on brain development and attachment theory to helps parent foster independence and emotional intelligence in their children.
When it comes to discipline, the main goal of positive parenting is to teach skills, not inflict pain, shame, or guilt. Positive parenting approaches often employ logical or natural consequences rather than punishments and rewards. The goal is to support children in developing skills that build autonomy, self-efficacy, and empowerment.
Basic Principles of Positive Parenting
Positive parenting covers quite a broad spectrum of parenting frameworks, but there are several basic principles which most have in common:
- Behaviors serve a function and are an attempt to meet a need.
- Children inherently want to do well, belong, and feel safe and secure.
- Mutual respect and collaboration between parents and children are of paramount importance.
- Nurturing a strong connection with your child builds a solid foundation for boundary-setting and upholding expectations.
- Parents are encouraged to be curious and empathetic to their child’s experiences.
- Emotions are welcome. Parents are encouraged to validate their child’s emotions.
- Discipline is about teaching skills and not about punishment.
- Parents are seen as guides and coaches, rather than bosses or commanders.
- Parenting techniques are designed to fit the child’s age, developmental stage, and emotional needs.
Benefits of Positive Parenting
When you make the decision to implement positive parenting, you are choosing an approach that comes with a load of benefits. Here are a few:
- Improved relationships and closer bonds
- Improved behavior
- Promotes autonomy, creativity and empowerment
- Higher self-esteem
- Increased empathy
- Better social skills
- Higher emotional intelligence
- Increased self-efficacy and academic performance
- Less family conflict
Why Parenting Books are Helpful
Kids don’t come with instructions. And chances are that most of what you’ve learned about parenting came from direct experience with your parents. While you may have picked up some truly helpful strategies from your parents, you might need more well-rounded information.
What’s more, many “old school” traditional parenting tactics (i.e. yelling, punishment, rewards, etc.) simply don’t match the positive parenting approach you are going for. And despite how much you want to do things differently with your kids, it can be tough to break old patterns all on your own.
That’s why finding a well-written parenting book specifically designed to teach you positive parenting skills can make all the difference.
Breaking the Cycle
Research shows that positive parenting is the way to go when it comes to nurturing your little humans. But it’s definitely not the easy route. You need to work on your own “stuff”, model good boundaries, stay calm, and so much more.
Your instinct might be to yell your kids into submission (especially if that’s what you grew up with.) But staying calm, validating your child’s emotions, and taking the time to create teachable moments, despite your bubbling frustration? That takes work.
To get the job done, you will need all the tools and support you can get. And the parenting books on this list are the right tools for the job.
Armed with the clear and well-researched guidance of any or all of the parenting books below, you will be well-equipped to break old parenting patterns and raise independent, emotionally intelligent, and loving kids with good boundaries and strong social skills.
The Best Parenting Books for Positive Parenting
Here are the 5 best parenting books for positive parenting, recommended by a licensed counselor and certified family-based therapist.
- Positive Discipline by Dr. Jane Nelsen
This is my go to parenting book! Founded on mutual respect (not punishment), the approach presented in this gem of a book is filled with parenting strategies that really work. Dr. Nelsen gives you straightforward language and actionable techniques to help you teach your kids valuable skills. You can’t beat the original, but I also highly recommend this follow up companion book, Positive Discipline Parenting Tools by Dr. Jane Nelsen and two of her kids, Mary Nelsen Tamborski, and Brad Ainge.
- The Whole-Brain Child by Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson
This incredible parenting book is based in years of scientific brain research and helps parenting better understand what is going on in their child’s brain. This positive parenting book delivers loads of straightforward parenting strategies based on easy to understand brain science. The simultaneously down-to-earth and brilliant authors are experts in their field and I have seen their strategies work wonders. Can’t recommend this book enough for parents who want a better understanding of their child’s brain function and how best to support their development.
- Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Dr. Laura Markham
Based on years of research, this exceptional parenting book focuses on strengthening the emotional connection with your child to create lasting change. Dr. Markham teaches parents how to manage their own emotions in order to model self-regulation for their children. This book is perfect for parents whose kids trigger their unresolved “stuff” while they are working to make space for their kids’ big emotions. Dr. Markham also offers up some great strategies for sibling conflict in this awesome parenting book.
- No Bad Kids by Janet Lansbury
The respectful parenting approach presented in this amazing book is based on the teachings of child specialist Magda Gerber and Janet Lansbury’s years of experience working with parents. The book outlines toddler development and helps readers understand why kids do what they do – and the best ways to respond to them. Highly recommend for younger kids, but the principles discussed in this easy to read book will do wonders for older kids, too.
- No Drama Discipline by Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson
Based on brain science and attachment theory, this incredible parenting book serves up an amazing parenting approach that is straightforward and easy to follow. The authors organized the information in such a clear, accessible way that allows you to start implementing the parenting techniques almost immediately. Can’t recommend this book enough for teaching your kids how to navigate big emotions while strengthening your relationship at the same time.
Getting Support with Parenting
Learning how to implement positive parenting isn’t always easy. Maybe you grew up in a home with punitive discipline. Or maybe you are having trouble managing your own emotions while trying to remain calm for your little ones.
Whatever the case may be, implementing positive parenting takes work. Enlisting the support of a mental health professional is an excellent way to build and strengthen those positive parenting skills. Finding a therapist who specializes in parenting support is a good place to start.
Parenting Support at the Center for Creative Counseling
The Center for Creative Counseling offers therapy and parenting support for residents of Pennsylvania. Whether you live in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, Erie, or Lancaster, you can receive online therapy to help tackle your parenting challenges.
If you live in Pennsylvania, and you are interested in starting therapy with me, I offer a free 15-minute consultation to make sure I am a good fit for what you are looking for.
Please feel free to browse my website, explore the therapy services I offer, and check out the rates for therapy.
When you are ready, click below to see available appointment times and book your free consultation to get started.
Sources
https://positivepsychology.com/positive-parenting/#benefits
https://www.parentingforbrain.com/what-is-positive-parenting/
