Whether you have experienced a recent loss or you are managing grief from long ago, grief stage frameworks like the seven stages of grief can prove useful. But what are the seven stages of grief? The seven stages of grief model detailed below by no means implies that there is a set, organized timetable for grieving, but it can bring some comforting structure to a process that often feels disconnected. Read on to learn more about the seven stages of grief.
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The Seven Stages of Grief
When it comes to the stages of grief, you have likely heard of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s classic model, the five stages of grief. But over time, as more research has shed light on the grieving process, experts have added to these stages of grief.
Many grief-informed professionals use multiple grief stage models to educate grieving individuals and provide them helpful frameworks.
The Seven Stages of Grief is one of those models:
- Denial
- Pain & Guilt
- Anger & Bargaining
- Depression and Reflection
- The Upward Turn
- Reconstruction and Working Through
- Acceptance & Hope
Denial
This is the stage that generally takes place immediately after the loss experience. An inability to accept the reality of the loss is tempered with feelings of shock and disbelief. You might feel numb and struggle to wrap your head around what has happened. This kind of response can serve as a protective defense mechanism of sorts.
Pain & Guilt
In this stage, the shock of the loss begins to dissipate and the unbearable pain and reality of the loss start to take hold. These painful emotions can be overwhelming and may be paired with intense feelings of guilt. The guilt may be related to unfinished business, the intensity of your emotional response, survivor guilt, or the feeling that you could/should have done something to prevent the loss.
Anger & Bargaining
When it comes to anger and bargaining responses to loss, you may find yourself looking for someone or something to blame. You might direct anger at yourself, someone else, a higher power, or even at your lost loved one.
Anger is an active emotion which can bring with it a minor sense of control over the situation. This is also when you might start mentally bargaining with yourself or the powers that be, hoping in vain to turn back time and reverse what happened.
Depression & Reflection
Once you burn the last energy stores of angry fuel, and you realize your attempts at bargaining won’t hold water, powerful feelings of sadness may take over. That active emotional energy that sustained you for a time gets replaced with negative thoughts and depression.
Feelings of isolation, loneliness, and heavy-hearted reflection become your company. You may feel you have hit bottom and nothing will ever be the same again. You (and those around you) might be surprised by the dramatic shift, especially if significant time has passed since the loss. But don’t let that stop you. This is an essential piece of the grieving puzzle.
While this stage is completely normal and necessary, it’s crucial that you pay attention to your needs. Grief counseling and social connection can be especially critical supports at this stage to help you stay afloat while you navigate this very important part of the grieving process.
The Upward Turn
As you have allowed yourself to experience the pain of your loss, your brain, body, heart, and soul now begin to heal. You’ve probably started adjusting to life after your loss and your wounds are not as tender. They are still present, still raw, and still impacting you, but you find yourself feeling more settled, organized, and ready to rebuild.
Reconstruction & Working Through
Once you’ve experienced some semblance of calm in your day to day life, you are in better position to establish your new normal. This rebuilding phase can happen with the help of a grief counselor or on your own. Coping strategies, healing rituals, and memorial tributes all serve to help you reassemble a life after loss. The pain may still creep in from time to time, but you are better equipped to manage it.
Acceptance & Hope
This is the stage of grieving in which your wounds, while still part of you, have healed over to some degree. Memories of loss that once brought on sharp pangs of heartache now bring tears of nostalgia and appreciation.
Though you will never get over your loss entirely, when you reach acceptance, you see the experience through a different lens.
You may find that the rituals and traditions you leaned on for survival in the past are now the very things that give new meaning to your life. Your mindset shifts from one of scarcity and despair to one of abundance and hope for the future.
Do I Have to Go Through the Stages of Grief in Order?
No. When it comes to grief, there are no true “have-to’s” about it. The only requirement is that you do it. The key is not to skirt around it or avoid it for extended periods of time. As Helen Keller once said, “The only way to the other side is through.” The path you take to get “through” is up to you.
Will I Experience Every Stage of Grief?
Some people want to know, how long will it take to grieve?
While the grief stage models are structured like timelines, the seven stages of grief and other grief models are simply tools to help bring structure to a naturally scattered experience. Grief is not linear and each individual’s experience of grief is informed by all of the things that make them unique. And so too will each grief and loss experience be unique.
So to answer the question, ‘will I experience every stage of grief?’, the answer is, it depends.
You might experience all seven stages of grief. Or you might only go through a couple of the stages. You might experience several at once or skip ahead, jump back, or even filter through some stages more than once.
The most important thing you can do is to allow the grief to come. It might feel like a tidal wave threatening to take you under, but let the wave come. Trying to suppress it will only complicate things and make it harder to heal. But if you let it come, despite how overwhelming it may seem, the intensity will eventually subside. And each wave will bring with it a little more relief than the one before.
What About the Five Stages of Grief?
The 5 stages of grief model, originally established by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book On Death and Dying, is still widely used today. In her final book, On Grief and Grieving, created with collaborator David Kessler, Kübler-Ross presents her classic stages of grief in a new enlightened frame. Highly recommended reading if you are interested in learning more about the five stages of grief.
Here are the original five stages of grief:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
Getting Help With Grief
The purpose of grief counseling is to support your own natural grieving process. Grief counseling is not intended to push you through it, or to help you “get over it”. It’s meant to provide a safe space for you experience the pain of your loss.
It’s a difficult process but a necessary one. It can be a daunting prospect to face on your own for sure, but with the support of a trained grief informed professional, you don’t have to face it alone.
You are given a sacred space for exploration. allowing your body and mind to do what it wants to do in an environment that promotes emotional safety and a relaxed body – space to experience the pain of the loss in a supportive environment.
Interested in Grief Counseling?
If you have experienced the loss of a loved one and you live in Pennsylvania, the Center for Creative Counseling can provide online grief counseling with a certified grief informed professional.
The Center for Creative Counseling offers online grief counseling to residents all across Pennsylvania, including busy metro areas like Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, Harrisburg, Erie, and Villanova, or more rural spots like Somerset, Lancaster, or New Hope, PA.
Whether you live in Wexford, PA, or Squirrel Hill in the heart of the city of Pittsburgh, or somewhere in the Pittsburgh’s South Hills, you can receive online grief counseling through the Center for Creative Counseling. No matter where you live in Pennsylvania, the Center for Creative Counseling has you covered.
Plus, the Center for Creative Counseling offers additional online therapy services like family therapy and art therapy as well. Please visit our Services page for more info.
Online Grief Counseling in Pennsylvania
The Center for Creative Counseling provides online grief counseling all over Pennsylvania. With online grief counseling, you get work through your grief from the safety and comfort of your own home.
I offer a free 15 minute consultation to make sure I am a good fit for what you are looking for. If you want a grief counselor who is dedicated to supporting you along your grief journey (and you live in Pennsylvania) I am here to help. Click below to schedule your free consultation today.
Getting started is easy – just schedule your free 15 minute consultation with me by visiting the secure client portal and click “I’m a new client.”
References:
- Holland, K. (2022, June 27). The Stages of Grief: What Do You Need to Know? Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/stages-of-grief
- Recover From Grief. (2020, October 21). 7 Stages Of Grief – Going Through the Process and Back to Life. Retrieved January 6, 2023, from https://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html
- taylorcounselinggroup. (2022, September 26). The 7 Stages of Grief. Taylor Counseling Group. https://taylorcounselinggroup.com/blog/the-7-stages-of-grief/
- Usher, J. (2022, April 14). What are the 7 stages of grief? Counselling Directory. https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/blog/2020/10/26/what-are-the-7-stages-of-grief
- Waichler, I., LCSW. (2022, September 26). 7 stages of grief (H. Moawad MD, Ed.). Choosing Therapy. Retrieved January 6, 2023, from https://www.choosingtherapy.com/7-stages-of-grief/
