If you’ve experienced pregnancy loss, then you know it’s a complicated, sometimes lonely experience. And when it comes to recurrent pregnancy loss, the emotional toll can be considerable. Finding ways to manage your emotions, deal with your grief, and make decisions for your future can be a lot to take on. While there are no easy solutions to these challenges, there are things you can do to cope.
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What is Recurrent Pregnancy Loss?
Historically, there has been some discrepancy on what constitutes recurrent pregnancy loss. If you Google it, you might find some reputable sites that say it’s 2 or more losses, while others say it’s 3. Currently, the medical community seems to have settled on the following definition, as seen on the American Society for Reproductive Medicine website:
Recurrent pregnancy loss is “a condition when a [person] has 2 or more clinical pregnancy losses (miscarriages) before the pregnancies reach 20 weeks.”
Although it can sometimes be helpful to have the language to describe an experience, for those who have experienced more than one miscarriage, the terminology brings little comfort.
What Causes Recurrent Pregnancy Loss?
For some, finding out the cause of their recurrent pregnancy loss (RPL) can help to address an underlying issue and resolve it. For others, knowing the reason can provide meaning or help to soothe feelings of guilt. Yet, according to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, “in over half of RPL cases, doctors cannot find the cause for losses.”
Here are a few of possible explanations for recurrent pregnancy loss:
- Genetic: Some miscarriages are caused by genetic abnormalities related to too many or not enough chromosomes. The risk for these genetic abnormalities increases with age. About 50%-70% of recurrent pregnancy loss falls into this category.
- Anatomic: Some miscarriages are related to anatomical issues with the pregnant person’s body. Abnormal uterus shape, a band of tissue called a septum, fibroids, or benign tumors can all impact the pregnancy.
- Environmental: Studies have linked things like smoking, drug use (cocaine, etc.), and obesity to recurrent pregnancy loss. There is some data to indicate excessive alcohol or caffeine may also be linked to RPL.
- Medical: Some untreated medical conditions can result in recurrent pregnancy loss. Things like thyroid problems, diabetes, and problems with the immune system can impact pregnancy loss.
How Common is Recurrent Pregnancy Loss?
According to a post on Yale Medicine’s website, “Approximately 2 percent of [pregnant persons] experience two consecutive pregnancy losses, which could still be attributed to chance. However, about 0.5 percent of [people] experience a third consecutive loss, which might indicate a reproductive problem. Therefore, a full medical examination is recommended after two or more losses.”
Recurrent Pregnancy Loss and Reproductive Health
Recurrent pregnancy loss can be extremely stressful for those who want to have kids. Questions around reproductive health can heighten anxiety and complicate matters. Not to mention the grief that comes with multiple pregnancy losses.
Making decisions around what to do next can trigger worry and lead to relational conflict. Reaching out to healthcare professionals, undergoing testing, waiting on results – it’s enough to make your head spin. And on top of all of that, you might not end up with any answers. Or if you do, it may not be the news you hoped for.
And after all of the that, if you decide to get treatment or fertility support, you might remain fearful about another pregnancy loss.
Pregnancy Loss Grief
When you experience pregnancy loss, you may go through a unique and difficult grieving process. You will likely experience a range of emotions, some of which might feel confusing. Societal messages of stigma and shame can further complicate your experience and influence your willingness to talk about it or reach out for support.
Thoughts and Feelings
Additionally, there are aspects of recurrent pregnancy loss that can intensify your grief experience. You might experience negative feelings, thoughts, and beliefs, including things like:
| Feelings | Thoughts & Beliefs |
|---|---|
| Anger | “My body betrayed me.” |
| Anxiety | “I don’t have confidence in me body’s abilities.” |
| Guilt | “I’m just not able to make this happen.” |
| Devastation | “I’ll never be able to have a child.” |
| Sadness | “My body must be defective.” |
Well-Intentioned “Help”
The thoughts and feelings listed in the chart above can be a lot to grapple with. It can be tough to process it all on your own. And thanks to societal stigma around pregnancy loss, it can feel near impossible to find support.
To add insult to injury, there’s a good chance your existing social network might not know how best to support you. They might offer you hopeful platitudes that fall flat. They might pressure you to ‘look on the bright side’ before you’ve had a chance to make sense of what you’re feeling. They might even say things that add to your pain.
I know that I couldn’t feel better until I had thoroughly explored feeling terrible.
Donna Rothert, PhD
Managing your well-meaning loved ones who just want you to feel better can be tough. No matter how much you may want to feel hopeful, you can’t force it. And the thing about grief is that you can’t rush it. You can’t make yourself feel better just because you want to.
As clinical psychologist Donna Rothert, PhD says in her book At a Loss, “I know that I couldn’t feel better until I had thoroughly explored feeling terrible.”
3 Ways to Cope with Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
While there are no quick fixes when it comes to pregnancy loss grief, there are things you can to help support your healing journey. Here are a few things I recommend for coping with recurrent pregnancy loss.
- Use a Journal to Process Your Experience
When it comes to processing painful emotions associated with grief, you may not feel ready to talk about it. But sharing your thoughts and feelings in a journal can be a powerful way to express your grief. It might feel feel a little safer, too.
A journal can act like a container for your pain and one that doesn’t judge or offer unhelpful responses. You can pick it up and put it away as you see fit. Plus, studies show that journaling has a lot of health benefits. This free grief journal from the Center for Creative Counseling has over 20 thoughtfully-curated prompts to promote grief healing.
For a grief journal specific to pregnancy loss, check out my guided journal, Creative Healing for Pregnancy Loss, with 100+ creative prompts to help you process your grief.
- Find Social Connection Through a Grief Group
While social connection can be extremely healing, your social network might not able to give you the kind of support you need. Knowing how and when to accept help is another challenge that feels like a lot to overcome when you are already unsure how to navigate this complex grief experience.
A well-managed grief group can provide you with much-needed social support. Connecting with others who have had experiences similar to yours will help you feel seen and validated. Places like Postpartum Support International, Rachel’s Gift, The Tears Foundation, and First Candle all offer virtual (and some in-person) support groups specifically for perinatal loss.
- Get One-On-One Support from a Grief Counselor
Grief support can be a major player when it comes to navigating recurrent pregnancy loss. Finding a counselor who not only specializes in grief but understands your reproductive journey can be immensely beneficial.
Maybe you have a wonderful support network, but there are some things you just can’t share with your loved ones. Or maybe those closest to you don’t understand what you’re going through and don’t know how to help. Perhaps you’ve gotten the message that ‘you should get over it’ and try as you might, you can’t seem to move forward. These are all experiences you can bring to grief counseling to get the support you need.
How Grief Counseling Can Help with Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
As a certified grief informed professional, I have been honored to help clients process their grief experiences. When it comes to pregnancy loss, it can be a challenge to find safe spaces to process your feelings. Finding a therapist with professional training and lived experience can get you the support you need to start your healing journey.
In our work together, we develop healing rituals that help them cope with their loss. At first, these coping rituals help them to initially survive the pain of their grief, but eventually over time and through regular counseling sessions, they grow to rely on these meaningful rituals to not only survive, but to once again, thrive.
Interested in Grief Counseling?
If you have experienced the loss of a loved one and you live in Pennsylvania, the Center for Creative Counseling can provide online grief counseling with a certified grief informed professional.
The Center for Creative Counseling offers online grief counseling to residents all across Pennsylvania, including busy metro areas like Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, Harrisburg, Erie, and Villanova, or more rural spots like Somerset, Lancaster, or New Hope, PA.
Whether you live in Wexford, PA, or Squirrel Hill in the heart of the city of Pittsburgh, or somewhere in the Pittsburgh’s South Hills, you can receive online grief counseling for Pennsylvania residents through the Center for Creative Counseling. No matter where you live in Pennsylvania, the Center for Creative Counseling has you covered.
Plus, the Center for Creative Counseling offers additional online therapy services like family therapy and art therapy as well. Please visit our Services page for more info.
Online Grief Counseling in Pennsylvania
The Center for Creative Counseling provides online grief counseling all over Pennsylvania. With online grief counseling, you get to work through your grief from the safety and comfort of your own home.
I offer a free 15 minute consultation to make sure I am a good fit for what you are looking for. If you want a grief counselor who is dedicated to supporting you along your grief journey (and you live in Pennsylvania) I am here to help. Click below to schedule your free consultation today.
Getting started is easy – just schedule your free 15 minute consultation with me by visiting the secure client portal.
References
- Bindeman, J. (2022, October 14). Pregnancy and infant loss: Effective strategies to support grief and treat trauma, anxiety, and depression in bereaved parents [Slide show; Virtual Training]. Psychotherapy Networker. https://catalog.pesi.com/sales/bh_s_058989_pregnancyinfantloss_organic-432125
- Recurrent Pregnancy Loss. (2023b, February 10). Yale Medicine. https://www.yalemedicine.org/conditions/recurrent-pregnancy-loss
- Rothert, D. (2019). At a Loss: Finding Your Way After Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Or Infant Death.
- What is Recurrent Pregnancy Loss (RPL)? (2016). American Society for Reproductive Medicine. Retrieved April 6, 2023, from https://www.reproductivefacts.org/news-and-publications/patient-fact-sheets-and-booklets/documents/fact-sheets-and-info-booklets/what-is-recurrent-pregnancy-loss-rpl/
