Motherhood can be a joyful experience, but it comes with a lot of challenges. One of those challenges is mom anxiety. If you’ve got kids, then you probably know mom anxiety all too well. While it’s completely normal to experience anxiety as a mom, it’s not something you want to rule your life. Read on to learn about 3 types of mom anxiety and how to deal with them.
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What is Mom Anxiety?
While not an official diagnosis, the phrase ‘mom anxiety’ likely grew from the unique anxiety experiences that come from raising kids. At first glance, mom anxiety looks like your standard brand of anxiety. However, there are a few things that set mom anxiety apart from your run of the mill, everyday anxiety.
Mom anxiety is specifically triggered by the responsibilities related to taking care of little humans. Additionally, it’s connected to the complex cocktail of genetics, hormones, and societal influences that drive your maternal instinct to care for and protect your children.
In western cultures like that of the United States for example, moms are under a LOT of pressure to be successful in the role. And thanks to the internet, constant exposure to that societal pressure gives moms a lot to worry about.
Moms are faced with tough questions like:
- Am I a good mom?
- Should I stay at home?
- Should I go back to work?
- Am I too distracted?
- Should I use daycare?
- Will we have enough money?
- Is my child healthy enough? Active enough? Eating enough?
- Will my child be safe at school?
- Am I giving my child enough attention?
- Am I giving my child too much attention?
- Are other moms doing a better job than me?
- Am I parenting well? Is my child getting coddled? Am I too hard on my child?
- Should I have another baby?
It’s enough to make your head spin! No wonder there’s such a term as ‘mom anxiety’ in this country.
Common Symptoms of Mom Anxiety
Symptoms of mom anxiety can show up just as they do for regular anxiety, but with a few unique additions. Here are a few examples of mom anxiety symptoms:
- persistent worry about your child’s wellbeing
- constantly questioning whether you’re a good mom
- chronic sleep issues
- issues with appetite and eating
- feeling judged or “mom-shamed”
- persistent feelings of guilt/sadness/fear
- regularly consulting “Dr. Google”
- avoiding social situations
- consistently feeling “not good enough”
- regularly feeling overwhelmed
Types of Mom Anxiety
Mom anxiety comes in many different forms, but there are a few that are more common than others. While some mothers experience anxiety before having kids, many can point to specific motherhood stressors that made it worse. Environmental and situational stressors can bring on new levels of anxiety for moms throughout their motherhood journey.
Things like having your first child, being a stay-at-home mom, or entering the work force after maternity leave can all lead to increased anxiety.
1. New Mom Anxiety
New mom anxiety, sometimes referred to as first-time mom anxiety, is a type of mom anxiety that develops when you enter motherhood. Going from only worrying about taking care of yourself to becoming responsible for another human is a huge life transition. That transition can shift everything from relationships, to routines, and even belief systems. Going through such a major transition can bring with it some serious growing pains.
Postpartum Anxiety Disorder
New mom anxiety can also include postpartum anxiety disorder, which is a type of Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorder (PMAD). While a certain level of postpartum anxiety is normal (and actually helpful), anxiety symptoms that impact your ability to function can be problematic. According to the Cleveland Clinic, postpartum anxiety is “excessive worrying that occurs after childbirth or adoption. People with postpartum anxiety may feel consumed with worry and constantly nervous or panicked.”
PMADs can affect all parents, but moms who have a history of substance use or struggled with anxiety prior to giving birth might be at greater risk for a PMAD. What’s more, according to the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, “women and their partners who have experienced a difficult pregnancy or who have had a baby treated in the ICU after birth are at highest risk for experiencing emotional challenges in the postpartum period.”
According to a recent meta-analysis published in the Journal of Affective Disorders (2016), an estimated 8.5% of postpartum mothers experience one or more anxiety disorders. Moreover, the study found that if left untreated, these anxiety disorders could “adversely affect the mother-infant relationship and infant outcomes.”
Signs of New Mom Anxiety
While there is overlap in the signs and symptoms across all types of mom anxiety, there are a few that are specific to new mom or postpartum anxiety. Here are some of the more common signs and symptoms of new mom anxiety and postpartum anxiety disorder:
- Irritability
- Conflict with loved ones
- Insomnia
- Feeling jittery/shaky/dizzy
- Intrusive obsessive thoughts about the safety of your baby
- Compulsive checking behaviors (i.e. looking in on your baby multiple times a night)
- Flashbacks or nightmares (especially related to traumatic birth)
- Heart palpitations or rapid heartbeat
2. Stay at Home Mom Anxiety
There are so many wonderful things about being a stay-at-home. You get to be the one to watch over your kids and you get a lot of quality bonding time. There’s also the satisfaction of running your household and contributing in a major way to your happy home. But being the point person, all day every day can take a toll.
Being a mom is a full-time job, but for stay-at-home moms, it is literally nonstop.
Whether you are a stay-at-home mom by choice or by necessity, stay-at-home motherhood is a round-the-clock job that can seriously impact your mental well-being. In a CBS News article about the anxiety of stay-at-home moms, one mom explains that one of “the biggest stresses of stay-at-home motherhood [is] that it just doesn’t end.”
The “Choice” to Stay at Home
Stay at home mom anxiety relates to the kinds of worries and stressors that come about when it’s your job to manage the kids and the house all. ? the. ? time. ?
Anxiety can also develop around the choice, or lack thereof, to stay at home. Sometimes the decision to stay at home is not a decision at all; it’s born out of necessity. Like it was for a family friend who realized that if she went back to work she would actually lose money by working and paying for childcare. Feeling forced into the role only added to her anxiety.
If you choose to stay at home, the grass isn’t always greener. Finances may be tight, schedules may be overwhelming, and you may operate under the assumption that you can’t ask for help. You might even feel like you can’t ask your partner for support with parenting, respite, or household tasks because it’s your job. That can be a suffocating and isolating experience.
SAHM (Stay-at-Home-Mom) Mental Health
A blog post from Very Well Family on what the research says about being a stay-at-home mom says that “stay-at-home parents experience poorer physical and mental health compared with parents who work outside the home. Effects include higher rates of mental health conditions, such as depression and anxiety, as well as higher rates of chronic illness.”
What’s more, you might regularly deal with pressure to enter (or re-enter) the work force. This pressure may come from society, your partner, or yourself. Messages come from all over that mothers should be able to do it all. And even if you want to return to work, it’s not always an easy process. No matter when you shift from stay-at-home mom to working mom, the move can be anxiety-producing.
Signs of Stay at Home Mom Anxiety
While some of these anxiety signs and symptoms overlap with other types of anxiety, here are some common symptoms of stay at home anxiety:
- Panic attacks
- Mood swings
- Emotional meltdowns
- Low self-esteem
- Social isolation/loneliness
- Conflict with your partner
- Fatigue, or conversely, anxious energy
3. Working Mom Anxiety
Being a working mom has a lot of benefits. Everything from extra income, to fulfilling your career goals, to getting respite from the stresses of home. But being a working mom is a total balancing act.
When I went back to work after having my daughter, it triggered a TON of anxiety. Things I didn’t even know I could worry about started to make me anxious.
Going back to work created dramatic shifts in all of the routines I had spent weeks developing and depending on. A million worries grew from those shifts (and cracks) in our foundation. Like, am I a bad mom for going back to work? Will she get more attached to other caregivers? How will we coparent now? Where will I pump at work? Who is going to wash the bottles and will they do it right? Am I going to miss major milestones while I am at work? How in the hell am I going to be able to keep this up?
The Many Transitions of the Working Mom
Going back to work after maternity leave can be a rough transition for many moms. You will miss your kid, you will feel guilty, you will struggle to concentrate at work, you will question your decisions about childcare. Your role will shift entirely. You move from being the main caregiver of your child to being the person who takes over and fills in. It’s rough.
And every day is bookended with hard transitions. You have to leave your baby to go to work and then get into the working woman mindset. Somehow focus all day and manage the stress of work. Then, you get to come home and face another tough transition. And while it’s a wonderful feeling to be back home with you baby, the handoff is not always smooth.
And working mom anxiety doesn’t end once the maternity leave transition is over. With each new age and stage, new challenges pop up.
Plus, if you want to develop your career AND be mom of the year, the tension between the two roles only grows as your kids do. Throw in a pandemic and working mom anxiety (and guilt) can take over your life.
Signs of Working Mom Anxiety
Working mom anxiety can look like other forms of anxiety but here are some of the signs and symptoms most connected to working mom anxiety:
- Intense guilt
- Irritability
- Feelings of burnout
- Difficulty with concentration/attention
- Feeling scattered/forgetfulness
- Negative self-talk
- Constantly comparing yourself to other moms
- Restlessness/difficulty winding down
How to Cope with Mom Anxiety
While mom anxiety is likely not going anywhere, there are things you can do to manage it so can relax and feel better overall. Here are a few recommended activities you can do to decrease your ongoing mom anxiety, no matter what type you are experiencing.
1. Strengthen Your Social Support Network
If you’re dealing with mom anxiety, know that you aren’t alone. In fact, according to the Office on Women’s Health, “women are more than twice as likely as men to get an anxiety disorder in their lifetime.”
One way to combat the feelings of stress and isolation that come with mom anxiety is to lean on your social supports. Strengthening and taking advantage of your social support network is a true protective factor when it comes to reducing anxiety.
According to the Harvard Health blog, “connecting with other mothers (even online) can do wonders in lowering your fears and validating your emotions.”
What’s more, when you lean on your social supports and create a solid network, you are more likely to receive respite child care, giving you time to take a much needed break from your mom role. This respite is not only OK but it’s necessary. You need and deserve time to manage your own wellness. Leaning on friends, family, daycare, preschool, summer camps, etc. is an excellent way to build time in your schedule that is just for you.
2. Practice Muscle Relaxation
Practicing muscle relaxation can help you relax. I know it sounds obvious, but you would be surprised how much muscle tension you are probably carrying around as a result of your daily stressors. Our muscles tense in response to a perceived threat, and if you are perceiving threats left and right as a mom, your muscles are likely tense all day, every day.
A lot of times, our muscles don’t relax on their own, especially when we are under high levels of stress. It can fall you to actively practice muscle relaxation to get those muscles to chill out. After all, research shows that you can’t feel anxious in a relaxed body.
Here are two ways to work muscle relaxation into your day:
- Progressive Muscle Relaxation: While seated or laying down, progressively tighten and release your muscles, moving from top to bottom, one muscle group at a time. Repeat the process until you feel more relaxed.
- Body Scan: While laying down at bedtime, close your eyes and conduct an internal scan of your body. Scan your body from head to toe. When you discover muscle tension, take a second to actively relax those muscles and then continue. It can help to practice deep breathing during this process. I like to visualize a laser scanning my body, trying to detect tension.
3. Engage in Quick Bursts of Creative Mindfulness
As an art therapist, I know the benefits of creativity firsthand. Creating art in mindful ways can be soothing, meditative, and relaxing. Things like abstract watercolor painting, using a mandala coloring book, and knitting can all help quiet intrusive thoughts, organize the mind, and reduce anxiety.
Other ideas to promote mindfulness and relaxation through creativity and art include:
- Create a sensory glitter jar
- Make a collage of soothing imagery
- Create a vision board to encourage calm energy
- Choose an art making exercise from the Essential Art Therapy Exercises book
4. See a Therapist
If you’re a mom with anxiety and you have been thinking about starting therapy, then let me encourage you to take the plunge. It’s a seriously brave thing to push yourself to be vulnerable with another human and that includes your therapist. Research shows that for moms who experience anxiety, the mother-child relationship can take a hit. Seeing a therapist will not only help support your own mental health, but it will support an improved relationship with your kids, too.
At the Center for Creative Counseling, I specialize in therapy for moms and can help you tackle your mom anxiety. If you live in Pennsylvania, you can receive online therapy for your anxiety through the Center for Creative Counseling. Check out my therapy services here or schedule a free 15-minute consultation via the secure client portal.
Interested in Therapy for Mom Anxiety?
As many moms who have started therapy will tell you, therapy can bring you some serious relief. Not only do you get to learn skills to manage your anxiety, but you are given a space that is just for you. With the support of the right therapist, you can tend to your stuff in ways that work for you.
Motherhood is amazing, but it’s a really tough job. You shouldn’t have to go it alone. Finding a therapist who specializes in therapy for moms (someone who gets the mom struggle really well), gives you a chance to take care of yourself in one of the best ways.
Investing in therapy will not only improve your mental health, but it will make your job as a mom a little easier. ?
Online Therapy for Moms in Pennsylvania
If you live in Pennsylvania, and you are interested in starting therapy with me, I offer a free 15-minute consultation to make sure I am a good fit for what you are looking for. Please feel free to browse my website, explore the therapy services I offer, and check out the rates for therapy.
When you are ready, click below to see available appointment times and book your free consultation to get started.
References
- Anxiety Canada. (2017). New Moms: Feeling anxious? | Here to Help. Here to Help. Retrieved May 23, 2022, from https://www.heretohelp.bc.ca/infosheet/new-moms-feeling-anxious
- Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. (2022). Perinatal or Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorders. Retrieved May 23, 2022, from https://www.chop.edu/conditions-diseases/perinatal-or-postpartum-mood-and-anxiety-disorders
- Cleveland Clinic. (2022, December 4). Postpartum Anxiety: Causes, Symptoms, Diagnosis & Treatment. Retrieved May 18, 2022, from https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/22693-postpartum-anxiety
- Colino, S., & Fabian-Weber, N. (2021, July 2). Postpartum Anxiety: The Other Baby Blues We Need to Talk About. Parents. Retrieved May 23, 2022, from https://www.parents.com/parenting/moms/healthy-mom/the-other-postpartum-problem-anxiety/
- Collier, S., MD. (2021, July 30). Postpartum anxiety is invisible, but common and treatable. Harvard Health. Retrieved May 23, 2022, from https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/postpartum-anxiety-an-invisible-disorder-that-can-affect-new-mothers-202107302558
- Duncan, A. (2022, March 29). The Discoveries, Studies, and Other Research Found on SAHMs. Verywell Family. Retrieved May 23, 2022, from https://www.verywellfamily.com/research-stay-at-home-moms-4047911
- Goodman, J. H., Watson, G. R., & Stubbs, B. (2016). Anxiety disorders in postpartum women: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Affective Disorders, 203, 292–331. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2016.05.033
- Lilley, C. (2011, August 30). The Ballad Of A Working Mom: Guilt, Anxiety, Exhaustion And Guilt. NPR. Retrieved May 26, 2022, from https://choice.npr.org/index.html?origin=https://www.npr.org/sections/babyproject/2011/08/30/140068781/the-ballad-of-a-working-mom-guilt-anxiety-exhaustion-and-guilt
- Morales, T. (2005, June 29). The Anxiety Of Stay-At-Home Moms. CBS News. Retrieved May 23, 2022, from https://www.cbsnews.com/news/the-anxiety-of-stay-at-home-moms/
- Office on Women’s Health in the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (2021, February 17). Anxiety disorders | Office on Women’s Health. Office on Women’s Health. Retrieved May 26, 2022, from https://www.womenshealth.gov/mental-health/mental-health-conditions/anxiety-disorders#references
- Przeworski, A. (2012, June 19). Mother’s Anxiety How motherhood breeds anxiety. Psychology Today. Retrieved May 26, 2022, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/dont-worry-mom/201206/mothers-anxiety
- Radniecki, L. (2021, October 12). Anxiety in motherhood: How I learned to calm and control my fears. Motherly. Retrieved May 18, 2022, from https://www.mother.ly/life/anxiety-in-motherhood-how-i-learned-to-calm-and-control-my-fears/
- Tartakovsky, M. M. S. (2022, February 22). This Is How You Can Cope With Being a Working Mom. Psych Central. Retrieved May 26, 2022, from https://psychcentral.com/stress/suggestions-for-stressed-out-working-moms#overcoming-guilt
- Toussaint, L., Nguyen, Q. A., Roettger, C., Dixon, K., Offenbächer, M., Kohls, N., Hirsch, J., & Sirois, F. (2021). Effectiveness of Progressive Muscle Relaxation, Deep Breathing, and Guided Imagery in Promoting Psychological and Physiological States of Relaxation. Evidence-based complementary and alternative medicine : eCAM, 2021, 5924040. https://doi.org/10.1155/2021/5924040
- Winters, V. (2019, February 6). Being a Parent When You Have Anxiety | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness. NAMI. Retrieved May 26, 2022, from https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/February-2019/Being-a-Parent-When-You-Have-Anxiety
